Women grew up talking – men did not

It’s a well-known fact that women love to talk. Since the age of 6 or 7, girls have been getting together for sleepovers where they spend the entire night lying on their sleeping bags talking about anything that comes to mind. Boys, on the other hand, did their bonding while playing sports or video games, and talking didn’t come in to play that often. Therefore, it’s no wonder that as adults they still seem to close up and avoid talking which can be detrimental to a relationship.  Bellow are 6 ways you can get him to open up to you without making him run.

You can have a man who communicates

When men are having issues in a relationship, they normally clam up instead of open up about what is bothering him. A woman can usually tell that her man is upset, but how do you get him to tell you the exact problem?

Don’t talk face to face. Since boys have grown up bonding over sports and arcade games, try to have something else going on when you try to get him to open up. Have some music playing, toss a ball around, or go for a walk. It will be easier to get him talking when he’s not sitting face to face, feeling pressured.

He’s scared of your reaction. It may bother you that he’s quiet, but maybe you don’t actually want to hear what he’s thinking. He might be scared that if he doesn’t choose the right side in the story you’re telling that you’re going to mad at him – and maybe you will be. You need to let him know that he has a right to free speech and while you may not love his response, you need to respect his opinion. He’s not your best girlfriend who will take your side no matter how crazy you’re sounding.

He’s scared of emotions. Boys are often taught from a young age, whether rightfully so or not, that they are supposed to hide their emotions – that ‘crying is for girls’. So – in a relationship they will often do the same thing. They’re also scared that if they approach a touchy subject you might cry, and let’s face it, not many guys know how to handle that. In this case, you need to curb your emotional outcries as much as possible, and ask him specific questions that might help him answer you. “Do you feel like..?” and soon he’ll be telling you everything you need to know.

He’s scared of the past. If you’re that girl who brings up past situations every time he tries to talk about something new ( “Well you said before that…” ) then he’s likely not going to talk about anything ever again. Leave past situations in the past if you want him to talk to you about important new subjects.

He feels vulnerable. Sometimes the reason that he’s clamming up has nothing to do with you. Maybe he lost his job, or didn’t get that raise he wanted. Boys, even in these days, are taught they are supposed to be the main provider for his woman, and he may feel ashamed to tell you that he didn’t get that promotion. Nobody likes failure, especially men. He may feel like he can’t take care of you properly, and that’s a real fear for many men – so always boost his confidence on his good traits, and tell him you’re proud of him no matter what, and that nobody succeeds right away.

You have to share openly too. If you want him to be open and honest with you, it’s going to have to start with your example. Just remember to keep it calm and collected. Tell him in a calm voice what is bothering you, whether it’s something to do with him or not, and ask him for some advice. Then, never criticize the advice. Accept it, thank him, and let him know that he has helped you. The more he helps you work through your issues, the more he’ll feel like a team, and he’ll begin to open up more as well. Just give him time to adjust to the idea. Don’t expect him to become a Chatty-Kathy right away.

March 10th, 2017 by