If you are a philanderer and your indiscretion is caught by your spouse then expect your life to turn into a living hell. Expect that you will be stripped down into nothingness in your own home, you will be mocked and scorned upon by the people in your society, you will be ousted like a criminal and there is a big possibility that your spouse will file for divorce, ending your marriage and leaving you with nothing.
The only good news in this living nightmare of yours is you can actually stop your divorce from happening. It’s going to be grueling and strenuous but you can stop your divorce after being unfaithful. If you want to stop your divorce you have to start from scratch. You have to build your partner’s trust and win the respect if you want to stop your divorce.
This can take a long time depending on the degree of hatred and remorse your partner feels for you but if you want to stop your divorce you have to endure it no matter how long it takes. To stop your divorce, you have to face yourself first before negotiating for reconsideration from your spouse.
What I mean is, before you begin with your tearful, down-on-bended-knee apology, you have to reflect first why you did what you did. Apologizing without really understanding why you did it makes you a faker. If you really want to set things right again, you have to face the facts from within you.
Know what triggered you to cheat- do you feel that there is something missing and lacking in your marriage and in your partner? Do you feel neglected and uncared for? Or you are just a plain “scumbag” that cannot stay put and behave like a decent person. Hear yourself out if want other people to hear you out.
Then commit to yourself that you will do the right thing. If you are done with your self- reflection and enlightenment moment, it’s time to face the music. Saying a sincere apology without promises is a good start on how to stop divorce. You have to remember that when you are caught cheating, your words have no weight or bearing anymore, your credibility and integrity no longer exists that’s why it’s futile for you to make any promises.
When you apologize you have to be human enough to admit your mistakes and the reason why you did it. Saying “I’m sorry I was unfaithful because I felt ___ and I am going to work this out, give me a chance to straighten things out. I’m not going to promise anything, I want to show it to you.” If the reason of your two-timing is your unstoppable compulsion then volunteer to have yourself treated in an institution otherwise find a relationship coach (ehem..) to clearly spell out some miscommunication in your marriage.
Showing perseverance and determination is another great way on how to stop divorce. This means no bickering or arguing when your spouse is guarding your every move 24/7. Relationship wise, you are now officially an “ex-convict” so it’s just understandable if your significant other acts like a parole officer that demands you check in every now and then and imposes a curfew and assigns certain places that you are prohibited for you to visit.
This can be tough but you only have yourself to blame. I hate to say this but sometimes people get what they deserve.
Posted in Divorce / Breakups
I think one thing that can really hurt more than ever is losing the person you loved most. Yes, it’s disappointing if you lose a house, a car, a job, an important deal because you have put a lot of time and effort in it but then again, material possessions can be found if you work hard and have great determination. But when you lose the person you love most, may it be a friend, a lover or a mentor; the grief can be very intense because unlike losing material possessions, you can never find another person like the one you love most. You may find someone better or lovelier or whatever but nothing can replace the beauty of the moment that you have shared together.
In relationships, this can be experienced through break-ups. I think most of us has experience what it must be to go through it. Some people have survived it successfully but some were never the same again. Some have become bitter or fearful to love again while some vowed never to trust again. As a relationship coach for years now, I believe and live by the creed that everybody deserves to be happy and it breaks my heart to hear and see people close their hearts to love. I am not talking about single people who chose to be alone because I, too believe that you can be alone and never lonely.
What I mean here are people who gave up on love. If you are hurting from a broken heart for whatever reason, this is the most important article that you will ever read. Here are the great lessons that you can learn from a broken heart. First is forgiveness. Learn to forgive yourself and your former lover. It doesn’t matter if you were the perpetrator who caused your relationship to end or the victim, forgiveness works both ways. Forgive yourself for being guilty of hurting someone really close to you and be sure never to do it again. Believe or not being a heartbreaker is more self- bothersome, every time you see yourself in the mirror, you know in your heart that you have hurt the very person who cared for you. Your guilt will be the one who will haunt you. That’s why, learn the art of forgiving yourself and swear never to do the same mistake again. If you were the victim one of the great lessons that you should learn is to inculcate yourself with positivity. Yes, you have been fooled, at least next time you know what to do. Turn your pain into progress. One of the great lessons that you must remember at all times is that there are certain things that you can control and there are things that you just can’t. And these include the actions and reactions of other people or in this case your former lover. The best that you can do is to move on and believe that things happened for a reason and it’s for your own good. Have faith that everything will work as it should be, that the pain that you are going through now is just a part of the process that will make you in a beautiful person. Take heed of these great lessons because this is the most effective way in healing a broken heart.
Posted in Divorce / Breakups
It has been a fact that the major cause of divorce is the infidelity of the husband. We, women, react by not trusting them and become more cautious of them. We have failed to see that in knowing why men cheat, we can become more equipped and able to prevent being cheated and betrayed.
Thus, we can save our marriage. That is why knowing why men cheat is important. Here are some few reasons why men cheat. One is the mid life crisis syndrome. This usually happens to husbands between forty to fifty years old. This reason why men cheat is a perfect excuse for the wife and the neighborhood.
He wakes up one morning and feeling he missed a lot in life. He acts like a teenager with crazy hormones. He thought he lived almost half of his life and it’s about time to enjoy it to its fullest and feel the pleasure life has to offer. He has this need to prove he is still desirable and the virility is never gone, he wants to test his strengths and abilities.
To deal with this gray-haired teenager, you have to go directly in to their heads. You have to make it clear to him that playing house with a twenty year old child will never make him any younger. You have to put some sense in his regressed brain. He is risking his life-long investment for a phase and it will be shameful to realize one day that he is old and eighty years old and no one is home.
Another reason why men cheat is the availability. Yes, meaning just because it’s there in front of him he grabbed the opportunity and banged himself out. Usually, in this case it’s the “other woman” who has been chasing after him and just to kill curiosity, he gives in. No matter how stable your marriage is, men are usually tempted especially if the temptation has been going on for quite some time now.
In cases like this, the wife has nothing to do with this. For him, a quickie is no big deal and has no emotional involvement. This is relatively better to handle than any other reasons why men cheat because he is not emotionally involved. Unlike the previous reasons why men cheat, he is not the one spending his cash away for this affair and this usually ends soon.
The better way to handle this is to forgive him and make him swear not to give in again. If you feel like it, you can also warn the temptress to go tempt someone else’s husband. Like any other reasons why men cheat, I feel comfortable telling wives to forgive their husband if the reason is availability because it’s not as serious and it can be worked upon.
It’s a shame to go to the next divorce lawyer. As long as there’s a chance for compromise, work it out. Another reason why men cheat is boredom and too much familiarity. This usually happens with couples who have the same routine over and over again. The couple is consumed with the everyday “blah” and the bed is just a place to sleep and rest not a place to frolic and bond.
Husbands who are trapped in this lifestyle are prone to outside enticement and if not caught in time can develop in a far deeper involvement in the affair. This reason why men cheat can be prevented. The couple should put in conscious effort to make the marriage alive. Give time and importance to each other and keep that spark and passion alive.
Be each other’s confidant. And for women out there, do not be just a wife to your husband but his mistress as well.
Posted in Divorce / Breakups